this science talk has confused you. You are perhaps perplexed. Your
mind is full of questions. Do not fear. Take a deep breath, slug down
a few patented Ministry of Unknown Science MELLOLUX jolly-pills and
peruse this informative FAQ:
Q: What is the Ministry of Unknown Science?
A: We are a quartet of skilled comedy professionals
who conduct complex multi-media experiments in pursuit of results.
These experiments typically involve digitally recorded video segments
interspersed with live stage interactions.
Q: So you're a sketch comedy troupe?
A: If you want to call us that, yes.
Q: How long have you been around?
A: We have been enlightening throngs of happy
mutants since 2001.
Q: How come I never heard of you?
A: The Ministry's experiments are reservation-only
events conducted in THEORY LABS, a top-secret nuclear hideaway
in the city of Los Angeles. Our primary advertising is word-of-mouth.
Directions to Theory Labs can be obtained only by making a reservation
for the show. You are now among the elite to be offered access
to this privileged information.
Q: So a Ministry show is kind of like a rave?
A: No. Though the Ministers are intrigued by
technologically-produced musics, we must insist that those seeking
a tribal dance experience look elsewhere for their fun. All glowsticks
and ecstasy tablets will be confiscated at the door. The glowsticks
will be safely destroyed. The ecstasy will be stored for use in future,
Q: Are you really available to play events like funerals,
rock concerts and conventions?
A: Absolutely! Our science experiments
can and will travel. Anyone interested in booking the ministry
should email us at ministry at mac
do t com for more information.
Q: Did the Ministry of Unknown Science ever genetically engineer
a half-man-half-prarie-dog designed to breed with insects to create
a kind of mutant super-army that could sweep across the nation, devouring
our food surplus and poisoning ground water?
A: Good question. It was actually a half-man-half-prarie-*oyster*.
We categorically deny its existence.
Q: I have a sneaking suspicion that none of this makes much
sense. Is that right?
A: Depends. WHOA -- the chickens are flying down
Q: Oh. Hey, when I attend a Ministry experiment, is the Ministry
experiment all I get?
A: No, the Ministry is traditionally preceded
to the stage by an opening performance "act" of some kind.
It has been our experience that an opening act whets the audience's
appetite for science, and keeps their minds off the pain as we drill
through their skulls for brain samples.
Q: What kind of opening acts have you featured?
A: My, you're an inquisitive little fellow. Our
opening acts run the gamut from sexy dancing girls to big-band bayou-funk
Q: How about UFO's?
A: They do not exist. Yet there they are.
Q: One more thing...
A: No, I'm sorry, we're terribly busy here at
the lab, and I must now ask you to peruse other sections of the website.
Q: But --
A: Don't make me shock you with this taser gun.
Q: Thanks for the info!
A: My pleasure.
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